Last night, while recovering from my early bronchitis, I couldn’t sleep well and was not on time. I kept thinking and noodling on what I meant to feel. We are told to strive to be the best people we can be, yet the most basic instinctual survival of feeling secure is not nurtured or discussed enough.
These are my definitions of feeling safe:
I feel calm, serene, and comfortable in my mind and body.
I feel okay breathing in a relaxed manner, which promotes my well-being.
I feel accepted, settled, inflow, and able to exist as myself.
I feel unafraid to stop, pause, and move forward.
I feel grateful to wake up and be able to live the life I choose and decide on.
I feel safe when I am not the only one who is needed and cared for and that I matter too.
I feel brave when others support, help, motivate, and empower me.
How do we find a safe place in this dynamic, chaotic, and wonderful world of diverse people from all walks of life? I witnessed and experienced plenty of pain, suffering, and oppression in this short life.
What makes us feel unsafe? Why is it so difficult to experience happiness? I couldn’t cover all of these in this blog for many reasons. From my own experience, there are some noticeable patterns of behavior that I will share below:
Fear of the unknown.
Fear of dying.
Fear of pain or hurt.
Fear of failure.
Fear, shame, and embarrassment of being wrong.
Fear of being alone.
Fear of losing credibility, status, and reputation.
Fear of being not good enough from misinformed assumptions or perceptions.
Stubbornness that is confused with ego.
Greed and excessive need to control or overpower others.
Selfish and malicious behavior means feeling they need to be above others or better than others.
Lack of emotional intelligence and critical thinking skills.
Lack of empathy or care for themselves and others.
Lack of accountability for the consequences of actions and decisions made.
Lack of tact or respect for discourse and learning more about other’s differences.
Some people sometimes think asking for help or asking questions is a weakness when it is not.
Some think that success means just doing things only on their own, and another extreme is taking advantage of others through oppression, and domination is terrible.
Fear of threats, retaliation, blackmailing, defaming, stealing from others, and gossiping to disenfranchise others are all malicious behavior.
Today, it is not openly admitted that we do have a caste system based on socioeconomic factors and backgrounds.
Influence is used in malicious ways.
Lack of respectful and peaceful dialogue occurs too often without regard to people’s well-being.
How do we solve this challenging life skill to feel safe? I can assure you it is not by ourselves. Start by looking internally, asking for help when needed, and accepting that we are all vulnerable and mortals. Life is concise. Why make it more complicated than it needs to be?
Remember that you are the author of your life!
Nobody is perfect.
Nobody knows everything.
Nobody can read your mind.
We can only work towards perfection, but it is never perfect. We are imperfect; we should embrace our strengths and distinct differences.
We all change daily and grow depending on how we nurture ourselves, who we surround ourselves with, and what mindset we develop and build to sustain our lifestyle.
We all make mistakes. Our responsibility is to own them, learn from them, and improve to be a better and kinder person every day.
Sometimes, we fail, feel embarrassed, or are afraid, but it is okay. We get up and don’t give up. We are the authors of our lives and might as well write them ourselves with better choices each time we survive each day.
Maybe fate might give us surprises that we don’t always like. I think of it as the universe allowing me to test my strengths and improve on different skills and knowledge.
Trust is consistently earned and not just given.
All we receive is through kindness, sharing, and something we cannot take for granted.
When you commit to practicing and applying your knowledge to what makes you a better person, that practice shows through consistent effort, time, and perseverance.
Don’t wait for anybody else to define your happiness. Only you can decide that. You need to own the definition of safety, health, and joy.
You can create the world you want when you take that step to move forward, stand up, speak up, and give back gifts to the world positively.
Decide for yourself what you want and want you like, and set the boundaries of what is okay or not okay.
Remember that feeling safe allows you to feel healthy and enjoy life. Learn to articulate that better and communicate what you need with your loved ones and others. One of the most challenging lessons in life is admitting how we feel inside. The genuine need to survive can drive us to do good or bad deeds. Which path will you choose? The decision is yours to make.
Live life like this; it is your last because it is. Life is precious. Treat life with dignity, respect, and care. Don’t give up on yourself. Find a way to build a safe place where you and others can thrive. We are all together in this world to support each other.